Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize