dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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