I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
