My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
