Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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