I wish I only lived at night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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