Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
