Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
