And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
