Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
