i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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