He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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