Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
