your room smells of hookers.
And success
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
vagina is talking i cant
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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