u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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