thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
