The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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