I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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