i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
