Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
