i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
