If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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