New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
