took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
