It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
