Your face is a jimmy john
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I could fuck to npr.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
