Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
