I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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