Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
