Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
