No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
