All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
