You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
