Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
