i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this boner is exhausting
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
