The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
