the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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