I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
