So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
