in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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