cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want her autograph on my taint
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
