Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
