i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
