You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
high people should be assigned attendants
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
