I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
