maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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