just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
im on a boat
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