My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
