i permit you to call me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize