How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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