Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
