he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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