sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im holly from the hills drunk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
