he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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