Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
