Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
