1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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