i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize