Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

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(440): View more from Ohio

Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.

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(281): View more from Texas

Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles

(205): View more from Alabama

for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today

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(740): View more from Ohio

There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again

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(+49): View more from Germany

This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.

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(302): View more from Delaware

seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

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(775): View more from Nevada

He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home

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(330): View more from Ohio

he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in

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