Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Life is so much better after having sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
