I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
