i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
