She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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