yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
