once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
