Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
