i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize