We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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