oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
