And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
