we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
