can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
