guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
