the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i may or may not be watching the land before time
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
