I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
