i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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