so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize