i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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