Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
