i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize