I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
