I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
