Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
