walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
