oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
