Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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