i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
