the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
