After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
