Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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