the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
