By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
