Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
