So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize