i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
