Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We just shotgunned beers for America
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
