I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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